Spinning my wheels.

I have started at least three posts in the last week. Obviously, they never get finished. I have high hopes for this one. Here's the problem, I'm distracted. I can't focus. I flit from one thing to another. I start a post about shoes and then I remember that I want to organize my shoes (and subsequently do so) because I read that removing clutter from your life is a way to help you focus. But now I'm distracted by getting rid of the clutter. I was so proud of myself on Monday when I actually started and finished writing a brochure. How about that. Starting is a whole big deal all by itself, but finishing, that's reason for celebration. My celebration was to be a big ol' slacker today. Well, I moved a bunch of furniture so the carpets could be cleaned. Then, I cleaned out some clutter. I piddled at work, and was relieved when it was finally time to go get the kids from school (without them complaining that I came too early!). Then I came home, moved all the furniture back, got bummed b/c I think I liked all the rooms better w/o furniture, and then was relieved when Carter came home to bring me, I don't even know what, but something that made me feel better. I think I'm flitting because I'm bored. I could create challenges for myself (the beauty of being in charge of you own workload). I like the idea of challenges, and I usually enjoy them when I tackle them, but I seem to be lacking the creative juice. My work mojo is gone. Gone, gone. This has happened before. I wish I could remember how I got the mojo back. I'm thinking meetings with smart people, inspiring people. People who have enough mojo to share. I miss working on a team. I think best, create best, in that environment. If for no other reason than I get all irritated with people and that gets me fired up and busy. Ah, ha. I need to have a meeting with irritating people. The bottom line here seems to be that I just need to get out with the people. OK, that's going onto the calendar tomorrow. Along with clean out the hallway closet, update the juvenile justice web site, write a "capacity statement" for a grant proposal, recruit someone to prep a mailing list for a brochure, and set up a photo shoot. How far down that list do you think I'll make it. I'm gunning for it all. I'll let you know how it goes.

Taking advantage of technology.

When I was going through rush eons ago at TCU, I spent much of a tri-delt party talking to a really neat sophomore. She had a nasal voice and an I-don't-give-a-damn attitude. She was smart and funny and didn't fit the stereotype of the TCU sorority girl. I was drawn to her. After I pledged (tri-delt) a few days later, we became friends. I remember one afternoon being out walking when the sky just opened up and poured down raining. I was soaked and far from my dorm room, so I ran the couple blocks to Ali's place and then spent the afternoon just chatting with her. She was one of the few people I missed when I left TCU.

Last night I got a Facebook invitation from her to join her "friends" list. It took me a second to even realize who she was. I haven't talked to her in something like 17 years.

I started a personal Facebook page because creating a Facebook page for our college is in my marketing plan for this year. I've been playing with it, trying to figure out the best way to create a page that will help us reconnect with our alumni. In the process, I've reconnected with the most unusual assortment of friends and acquaintances. I'm now "networked" with people I know from home, Hudson PEP Elementary, Longview High School, TCU, Southwestern University, Austin, and Tallahassee. People who I haven't seen since we played as kids, graduated from high school, hung out in college... It is so interesting to see what they've become. Most are parents. There is a working actress, a new pastor, a business owner in Hawaii, someone I was convinced was a lesbian who is now married (to a man), a doctor who is teaching at a med school in Alabama, a high school couch potato who runs marathons...

Facebook has become such an amazing and bizarre social structure. We all have such busy lives dealing with the day-to-day that can be so all consuming. And then we sit down for a few minutes each night and connect with people from all these different chapters of our past who are all over the world doing all kinds of interesting and surprising things.

Cool and so very very weird.

There aren't enough hours in a day to do it all, and by all I don't just mean being a good mother, wife, and employee. I mean being a good friend, daughter, sister-in-law, aunt, mommy to the dog, housekeeper... Not to mention fitting in the magazine and TV time that is critical to happiness. I got a note from a treasured friend today apologizing for being a bad friend lately. I wanted to hug her and tell her "no worries you awesome woman, I feel your pain." But I couldn't because she lives in Texas! My "dreams" over the last week have been anxious, full of me letting my friends down, losing my children, forgetting how to use a phone, missing major work deadlines... See a pattern? Me too. And it's not the pretty kind like pink bead, green bead, silver bead, pink bead, green bead, silver bead. It's the stuck in a rut kind.

I have a super neat calendar that a good friend gave me for my birthday. I have filled it with lists and reminders and timetables. It looks beautiful and I love it. I open it up on my desk each morning and decide what needs to be done. And then I open my e-mail and end up dealing with whatever that brings instead of the plan I have so beautifully considered and written down in pink ink. Then I come home exhausted and frustrated and dream about the blinding light that keeps me from seeing who is talking to me across the table

Seriously. No leukemia. No trees poking holes through my roof. No parents in the hospital, children in the principal's office, husband checking out the girls in his classes. You'd think I could just get a handle on the day-to-day details without them causing me to have to spend my nights wrestling snakes, catching my teeth as they fall out, and trying to make it to the math test for the class I've never been to and can't find the room for. Aack. Think I'll go take a very hot shower and use some very good smelling Origins stuff (that my on-the-ball sister-in-law gave me!).

Sweet dreams.

Mmm those chocolates are a great chaser for Fritos.

As I pop yet another Dove chocolate in my mouth and enjoy the melting chocolate, I think to myself, "I need to hurry up and eat all these so I'll quit eating them." This, my friends, is one of the top two reasons it is impossible for me to lose weight and keep it off. I don't even know how to characterize this. I think it might actually fall under procrastination (along with complete lack of even the simplest reasoning); I'm always eating my last chocolate before my diet starts tomorrow. The second reason I can't lose weight is that I only have so much self-control. When I'm eating healthfully and making it to the gym, my wardrobe grows, my checking account dwindles, and my husband gets really annoyed. I enjoy my chocolate and french fries with abandon, I do great with my budget, I still get compliments from my husband on my figure. Seems like eating chocolate and fries is the way to go! Though I imagine that tomorrow, a salad will sound positively yummy. I do have that going for me. And possibly some good genetics that keep me from really plumping out. Thanks Mom and Dad. You've saved me yet again. Though I still blame you for the knock knees, goofy chin, and thin hair.